Good Guys by David G. Smith

Author:David G. Smith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2020-10-12T16:00:00+00:00

TABLE 6-1

While we’re at it, let’s strike favorite insulting terms like curse words, jerk, and idiot from our confrontation lexicon. Travis McCready, CEO of Massachusetts Life Sciences Center, offers some excellent wisdom: “I try to presume good intent and see a guy’s inevitable failings as an opportunity for him to learn. My approach is, ‘Here, let me suggest what you should have said or done there.’ That way, every confrontation doesn’t take the matter to DEFCON 5 or presume the guy is the enemy.”

Here are some specific ally strategies to add to your arsenal; keep them within reach and ready to deploy.

Provide an alternative perspective. Sometimes, you can address something biased or sexist by offering a contrasting point of view. So, when a guy insists that a man should never meet alone with a woman, say, “Actually, I don’t agree. I don’t experience women as dangerous, and I don’t buy into the unsupported claim that women often falsely accuse men of harassment. I also object to the idea of communicating to women I work with that I don’t trust—either they or I—to remain entirely professional with the door closed. By the way, if you don’t meet alone with women, I sure hope you don’t meet alone with men. That’s just not fair.” Similarly, Lisen Stromberg of 3% Conference adds that allies can simply ask, “I wonder if you’ve considered that women might experience this differently?”

Use personal experiences or relationships. At times, confrontation through self-disclosure can be particularly effective. Sharing how bias or sexism was harmful to you or, more often, a woman close to you can cause other men to do an informed double take, seeing their own problem behavior through a new lens. Rachana Bhide shared that “I’ve seen guys say to a group of men, ‘My wife experienced this at work and it’s really f—d up. I don’t want women to experience that here.’ This kind of personal story, with connection to women you care about, can be deeply influential for other men.”

Shape behavior by balancing confrontation with reinforcement. Famous behavioral psychologist B. F. Skinner was right: it is far easier to shape desired behavior with reinforcement. We have developed a couple of hashtags as a way to keep feedback lighthearted. Let’s face it, “bro” is often an endearing term among men; short for brother, bro lets the guy on the receiving end of your intervention know you see him as part of your tribe and that your heart is in the right place. First, when a guy goes off the rails with bias, sexism, or harassment, try #BroNo! You can pull him aside after a meeting and have a #BroNo conversation with him or pull out your phone right there in the meeting and loudly spell out your text to him. It could be fun and make the point. But don’t forget to reinforce someone—maybe it will be the same guy later in the very same meeting—who shows some gender awareness, an inclusive mindset, or thoughtful consideration of his female colleagues.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.